Don’t Break the Christmas Dinner Rule: Keeping Family First This Holiday Season
For some, December/January has a religious meaning, for others, it’s about summer getaways to the bach (New Zealand) or the holiday home (Australia) or the snow (northern hemisphere). Regardless of what you’re doing, pause to reflect, recharge, and spend time with family.
What is the Christmas Dinner Rule?
At its core, the Christmas Dinner Rule is simple: don’t let the challenges and conflicts that can occur in the business destroy your family!
Running a family business is hard work, combining two of life’s most intense and important elements—that are often diametrically different to one another. Disputes and disagreements are almost inevitable. Our job is get both in sync so they both grow and prosper.
This rule isn’t about avoiding tough conversations or pretending everything is fine when it’s not. It’s about ensuring that disagreements get resolved, important conversations had and issues addressed.
Why It Matters More Than Ever in 2024
Let’s be frank– business has been tough this year! Many of us are just happy to be able to get to the end of the year in one piece. Cash has been tight, margins down, interest rates high, and politicians doing what politicians always do…
However we have made it.
The Christmas Dinner Rule tells us to create clear boundaries and know your ‘hats’, because family gatherings should be family– not an extension of the office or boardroom. In a family business, we all wear a lot of different ‘hats’ and at Christmas time, we need to be clear that we are wearing our family ‘hats’, our ‘mum’ or ‘dad’ hat, ‘brother’ or ‘sister’ hat, etc. When you’re around the dinner table, who does what in the business, if anything is irrelevant.
A few thoughts from the year.
We see more and more members of the younger generation coming into the business. They bring a very different perspective which can be, well let me say, challenging at times for the Current Generation. A few months ago, I was listening to a father complain about the work ethic of the younger generation, when I realised that this is a very old and usually very wrong complaint.
For example, the Roman orator Cicero, in his First Oration against Catiline delivered in 63 BC, exclaimed, “O tempora, o mores!”—translated as “Oh the times! Oh the customs!”—expressing his dismay at the moral state of his era.
Similarly, Hesiod, the 8th century BC Greek poet who is attributed with the lament,
“I see no hope for the future of our people if they are dependent on the frivolous youth of today…”
There is not much new under the sun…
What we do know is the younger generation challenge us and bring in new ideas and ways of looking at things. For each generation to ‘Be Their Best Generation’, both generations need to listen, discuss and learn from the other—this is the very heart of a great succession conversation.
I’ve seen many families come together to write their family charter—get the family governance and succession plans in place. When it’s done well, you see the Next Generation grow and blossom and the Current Generation relax, take a breath and start thinking about all the things they’ve longed to do. It’s magic!
So what are the practical steps you can take to have a great Christmas?
- We need to get over ourselves:
Yes we have had arguments, sometimes big ones, but actually this is family and we need to find a way to sit at the table with people we love the most in the world (even if they irritate the hell out of us at times) and enjoy - Keep Business in Its Place:
Agree as a family to leave business talk out of holiday gatherings. If there are pressing issues, set aside a specific time to address them—preferably before or after the break. - Focus on Gratitude:
Take a moment to acknowledge the year’s successes and challenges. Celebrate the effort and resilience of everyone involved, and express gratitude for each other’s contributions. It has been a year! - Strengthen the Family Bonds:
Use the holidays to reconnect as family, not colleagues. Plan activities that everyone can enjoy, from shared meals to outdoor adventures. - Embrace Forgiveness:
If there have been tensions or conflicts, now is the time to let go. Family relationships have an incredible capacity for healing—don’t underestimate the power of a heartfelt apology or a kind gesture. - Appreciate the In-Laws:
In-laws often bring unique perspectives to family businesses and play an essential role in keeping the family unit strong and growing. Take a moment to acknowledge and appreciate them—you might be surprised how much they’ve quietly contributed. And remember—they consciously chose to be part of your family because they fell in love with someone in your family.
